Dating a sex addict relationship advice
“One of the most important things in the treatment process is learning that you have rights, you have limits, you get to say no,” says Hudson.Sex and relationship addicts can be so accustomed to accepting “crumbs,” as de Guzman put it, that they may not know how to leave a relationship that doesn’t feel good."I believed that that was all I was good for."Throughout her 20s, she assumed other straight women were reacting or feeling the way she did with men and that “all that guys would want from me” was sex.
“I would date someone for six weeks and I would suffer over it for six months.“[With sex addiction] it’s not really about the person,” Hudson says.“People become objects to be used and not people to be related to.”Our society mostly focuses on guys with sex addiction because, well, from the outside their spiraling-out looks pretty juicy.The trouble was, De Guzman chose men who couldn’t or wouldn’t commit to her.When she got to the place where she felt suicidal over the guy who wouldn’t text back, “I wanted crumbs from guys at that point.”It’s a story that sounds familiar to Lee Riley*, a 60-something woman (she declined to share her exact age, preferring to identify as “old enough to know better”) living in Los Angeles who is also a sex addict.There’s also the need to stop sexualizing any kind of nurturing and instead give platonic friendships or professional relationships with the opposite sex room to breathe.Sexualizing every relationship “frequently happens if you don’t have good boundaries and you learn that sex is love,” Hudson explains.As Gwyneth Paltrow’s character jokes in the 2014 film In reality, sex addiction is much more complicated—and it doesn’t only affect men.Just as an alcoholic continues overdrinking even when it does her harm, a sex and love addict seeks out emotional and physical fulfillment from others, even when it hurts her.Charlene de Guzman says her sex addiction started as a “hunger for love and attention and validation.” For her, the confusion came from misplaced messages about her self-worth.“I had this story from a very early age that a woman who was sexually desired, a woman who was sexual, a woman men wanted to have sex with, was of value,” she told .