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I don't enjoy being the person that's doing the heavy lifting while the prospective friend simply accepts or rejects ideas I propose. D., was previously a professor at Georgia State University, where she became an academic expert on friendship.She currently works as a policy fellow at Millenium Challenge Corporation.You can join Meet-ups about gardening, board games, politics, cooking... But it's not like those super boring classes where you have these huge papers and you have to do all the work in your group projects. If you don't meet people, you'll still use your talents to do something good for the world.And if, at the last minute, you decide you just don't have it in you, no one's night will be ruined if you don't go. You're not chasing a degree, so you can take something like pottery or bowling. Plus, nothing makes for a popular Instagram post like a clever protest sign. If so, here's a coffee and a hug, because, for reals, that seems amazingly difficult.It’s hard work to make friends as an adult, the kind of work that many of us are not prepared for since it used to be effortless.
Making friends when you're younger just happens naturally. So what do you do if you wake up one morning and realize you don't have any people?Embracing these five skills for making friends as an adult is ultimately embracing the idea that we have the power to create the social world we want for ourselves, and we are prepared to be intentional about doing so. I have no problem calling once or twice, but I refuse to own it all the time.I've had several buddies that never reach-out and the friendship fades away.It's better than trying to talk to people at the gym. If you're not already meeting other parents through your part-time, unpaid transportation job, consider having a few kids and their parents over to play and chat.If you have your gab session at a park, you don't even have to clean your house or make (buy) snacks.Or even if you’re crazy outgoing, you have other obligations—your career, partner, family, hobbies—sucking up time, so forming fresh bonds isn’t a priority.It’s a shame, given that a slew of research shows that the quality of your social ties has a huge impact on your happiness and health.Megan S., a 30-year-old physician’s assistant, hasn’t made a new friend since grad school.“Now that I’ve moved across the country, it’s back to the start,” she told me after we matched on Hey Vina! While it may seem ironic (or worse, ridiculously millennial) to seek pals via our phones, we need all the help we can get: The average adult hasn’t added to their circle in five years, a new study found. As soon as you leave school, “you lose that naturally occurring community…except for your workplace,” says clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph D, author of Now that you’re older and in need of a new tribe, “you don’t know how to do it,” says Bonior.Compliment others, tell someone a moment when you thought about them when they were not around, scan for traits to like in people you meet, share if someone made you see something in a new light, and show enthusiasm when greeting people. When someone does reject them, they know that it doesn’t mean anything about who they are.They are also not quick to assume rejection in an ambiguous circumstance.