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Being one of those workaholic, live-in girlfriends myself, I’ve shopped for friends on Hey Vina! So don’t be like the average American—go make new buds, now. Making friends when you're younger just happens naturally. So what do you do if you wake up one morning and realize you don't have any people?It’s easy to get bitter and feel as if others should be reaching out to you, but that kind of strategy might just leave you bitter.

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She currently works as a policy fellow at Millenium Challenge Corporation.Adults who embrace “aggressive friending” or radical responsibility for making friends are the ones who do. One myth about making friends is that we have to be fascinating, charismatic, or hilarious to charm others into liking us.Inviting a coworker to get coffee, attending events, taking classes, introducing yourself to others at your gym class, and going to meetups. But being the type of person who others like is not about being particularly impressive, but rather about showing liking and affirmation towards others. Think about it, who would you rather be friends with: someone charismatic or someone who makes you feel comfortable and accepted? Here’s why making friends takes security: it’s awfully exposing to try to connect with another person. Secure people assume that others like them, and this helps them gain the courage to initiate interactions and persevere in building friendships.It’s hard work to make friends as an adult, the kind of work that many of us are not prepared for since it used to be effortless.Initiating and facing potential rejection is vulnerable, but initiating is also necessary for connection.But, IMHO these have helped me snag new members for my grown-up tribe.I mean, if you have to go meet strangers, they might as well be strangers who share your same interests.Embracing the idea that friendship takes time and is a process can help us calibrate our expectations and not put undue pressure on the buds of an early friendship.Just because you might not feel like best friends from the get-go doesn’t mean you won’t be friends at all.Even when we are surrounded by people, we may still be clueless about how to turn those people into friends. When we were younger, we used to find ourselves in contexts that had all the ingredients for nurturing friendships: continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability.As I’ve been writing a book on making friends as an adult, I’ve come to recognize the various abilities that each of us can cultivate in order to make friends. As adults, we no longer inhabit these contexts by default.

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